I was born seventeen millennia ago into a utopian society in a obscure and unnamed galaxy. Our kind had peace and understanding throughout every planet we inhabited and no one ever had to go hungry. We possessed immortality through a combination of advanced technology and spiritual empowerment so we could stay alive until our spirits were ready to move on and seek out the mysteries of death.

Everything was great and peaceful and perfect. Maybe too perfect. Yeah, that’s when we got taken over by giant space dinosaurs. They killed everyone off except me. I spent about a hundred years seeking vengeance upon them but I was eventually captured and executed in a grand ceremony.

I was then brought back from the dead to feast upon the stupidity of the living. (That’s why I am here today)

Entity said:
"benjaminlevi: I have a secret unicorn army, and I'm not afraid to use it against your dinosaur battalion. Also, the government isn't really here for us. They're just using us, and I can and will use irony and satire to fight it."